Not quite sure why I do this to myself. For some reason the laptop just keeps my hands on the same website. After another stint of not feeling very confident starting my MA, I choose, just to torture myself a little bit more (because torturing yourself is always so fun) by looking at extremely successful English Literature students; who
A) Have been published. Yes. We’re not talking J.K Rowling published, but they’ve had short stories/poems published.
B) Received a First-Class-Degree in English.
C) To top it off they’re smug Facebook bastards with more ‘likes’ than I can even possible imagine in a far flung world, and to add insult to injury, attractive with lots of friends.
D) A & B probably counts towards them then earning a successful MA degree and a writing career. It seems they are on their way.
C doesn’t count too much here because I got over not having throngs of friends at my side a long time ago. But I do believe Facebook can be detrimental to one’s mental well-being, seeing as it doesn’t really connect people. It just makes you you stalk and compare.
I started my MA on the totally wrong foot after being stressed out with my job (they kept messing me about/the workload was ridiculous) and consequently was overwhelmed. I was so stressed I consequently began to grind my teeth in my sleep (not pleasant).
I can’t simply stand some of the waffle some of the students in my seminar produce. I think they are all fairly pleasant I’ll give them that but I get enough pretentiousness reading some of those academic articles that are full of big fancy indefinable words(not all, I add).
I honestly feel a tiny bit stupid. Perhaps I am not meant for postgraduate level? Am I meant to come out with ‘isms’ and completely ‘off-your-rocker’ analysis of some primary texts? I’m pretty sure Virginia Woolf would’ve raised her eyebrows. At least I’ve got Woolf on my side; I can rant about her and her books incessantly.
And I’m meant to give a presentation (a short one) and CHRIST KNOWS how I’m gonna nail this one. Shall I just hop on the bandwagon and shove some ‘determinisms’ and ‘particularisms’ and ‘I’ve-got-no-fucking-clue’-isms in?
I think not. I’ll be clean, free and honest and to hell with them if they think I’m dim. I say this but I’m like a mouse right now. Cowering and meek.
I hope there’s someone out there that might agree with me/experienced the same. Or just give me a good pep-talk. A bloody good pep-talk.